Hamster Wheel

I've been thinking about the body a great deal lately. Seeing my friends struggle with their health and pondering life since the recent intense accident that almost killed my child has me considering the fragility of life. 

And also the incredible living system that is the body.

This blog has been about running, but really it's about so much more: my writing, my goal of creating a disciplined life for both writing and running, creating self-care, and trying to understand how to be a caretaker and be true to myself at the same time. 

For Mother's Day this year (2025) I decided to run a marathon, again. I signed up for the Every Woman's Marathon. This is my third attempt. 

The first attempt was a plan I had for my forty birthday. It was a few years after I had left my life in NYC. I was living in Salome, AZ down the street from where my mom and stepdad had retired. I was teaching at the local high school. I had recently returned from living in Berlin for a few months and fell into a quiet life of teaching and daydreaming about Mr. Right—hoping for the meet cute moment where my dreams of martial bliss would come true—blah, blah, blah. 

Arizona is hot and desolate and I didn't really have the tools or the discipline to make a go of training for a marathon. I gave up pretty quickly. I was trying to bike too, but the heat—except in the very early morning—was unbearable. I'm not a morning person and gave up fairly soon. I'm pretty sure I got a book about running, which is probably in a box in my storage. I was so focused on wanting to be married and wanting to became a mom—a race I thought I was losing—that I didn't have the awareness of how preparing for a marathon would be like preparing for a partnered life, if I could figure out the discipline thing.

I reread my posts and see that I have really been on a hamster wheel. I write about the same things over and over—life happens and maybe I get smarter or maybe not.

With my first attempt I was in okay shape. My walking city life and legs along with cycling had kept me in shape. I had bit of back pain, but not debilitating. My body at forty was still able to muscle through to do what I wanted. And even though I had that physical strength, I was lacking the internal fortitude or maybe confidence to believe I could really do a marathon.

Propelling me forward or maybe holding me back were my experiences in my twenties: working on a trail crew in the backcountry of Yosemite National Park, and climbing and hiking in Russia and Georgia (of the former Soviet Union) and Colorado. A failed attempt to summit Mount Elbrus and a fall while climbing Snowmass Mountain in Colorado—both events I carried as major life failures embedded in my psyche and unresolved in my heart. Balancing that I did fair amount of cycling with my last real ride a 35-mile race in the Arizona desert heat with a seat that wasn't quite right, which left me quite literally butt hurt. 

For my second effort for running a marathon I was coming into my fiftieth birthday. I started this blog. I realized I needed a coach. I did a bunch of research and found a training plan...

Brendan Leonard Is The Man!

Today I have some writing deadlines. I decided that a little writing here would be good—some might consider it procrastination, but I believe it's a warmup. This blog is about running and writing...

I'm really enjoying reading I H💜TE Running and YOU CAN TOO by Brendan Leonard. This book is laugh-out-loud funny. The the charts are excellent and really illustrate simple yet profound truths that are applicable to just about any endeavor one is pursuing. Today I read Chapter. 7: Inspiration is not a strategy. Wow, just wow, yes this man has nailed what it takes to be a writer and runner: show up and do the work. Leonard notes that inspiration is just a spark and one must add fuel. Essentially I must show up for myself the same way I show up for the people I love. I personalized this just to re-enforce the concept in my own mind. 

The best thing about this book is how small and deceptively simple it seems. Books like this require multiple readings as the material seeps into the psyche. I love these type of books and used to work with them in my teaching of writing.  

Leonard has a website: Semi-Rad: Humor, Essays, Adventures and here is an interview with Leonard on Spartan Up. Both are very insightful.

So I have been doing my weekly plan and it is working. On Mondays I get outside no matter what. Tuesday and Wednesday meditation; Thursday and Friday journaling and chanting; and Saturday and Sunday writing (and sometimes resting). The weather in Colorado this time of year is fickle, but Leonard's book addresses this issue beautifully and I have pushed myself to run/walk no matter the weather. I'm not going to put his chart in this post, because I want to support Leonard's website and instead invite folks to buy his book.

In my own pursuit of writing and running, figuring out a small manageable goal that I can complete in the context of my life is really adding to my feeling of success, which in turn breeds a desire to do more, which is why writing here creates a desire to write more. 

To my credit I have completed a very large essay at the beginning of April that will be publish in late May / early June. Also my blog The Living Room has launched: visual art reviews considering the phygital experience of online exhibitions. And part of today's deadlines will impact my new website, which is under construction, but will be unveiled in mid-May. 

Final thought: cottage industry like what Leonard is doing and what I am working to do truly expand all of us. And I also found this article today, which just continues to make the case that running is good for everyone. What A Brief Jog Can Do For Your Brain.

 

 

Two old girls...

So a baby step for getting outside today. An hour walk up to the campground gate. First a little splash and drink for the canine girl at one of my favorite spots. Next goal is to head up through the campground to the trailhead. Not much snow left now, though possibly more snow will come this next month. 

Walking or more importantly running at nearly 8,000 foot elevation is to suck a bit of air at times. As I was walking I was reminded when as a much younger and tougher chick—hanging out at 16,000 felt like drowning. Making a climb on Mount Elbrus in the Caucasus Mountains of then Soviet Georgia in the mid-80s was amazing and awful at the same time. At this point I find it sad that I carried a lot of shame about not making the summit. Who the heck cares now? It was an incredible trip of a lifetime.

I have put this body through so many intense experiences. At this point my health is excellent. I need a few tweaks on a regular basis to keep my back happy, but overall I'm grateful for my stamina and general health. The older I get the more awake I feel. The follow up to the Soviet climbing exchange was here in Colorado. Soviets, Hungarians, and Americans climbed Snowmass Mountain. 

Sadly, it's a trip I hardly remember. I tripped and then slid down part of a mountain side and had to self-arrest with my ice axe just before hitting an outcropping of rocks. I was a bit of a mess after that and one of the guys just dogged me because every step I took I felt so scared. Also my boots were killing the bottoms of my feet and my pack though top of line was too big and truly too heavy for me. Is it any wonder my back now suffers?

What's so amazing is how much great gear there is now for women that is designed especially with women in mind. Back in the 80s this was not the case. "We've come along way baby..."

The picture on the right is the view heading back down into town. I tried a little jogging, but the tweak I had on Sunday morning with a new craniosacral practitioner greatly improved things, but not quite enough. Tuesday evening I'm going for another appointment. 

The other thing that came up after thinking about the Snowmass incident was how I would like to go on a Wild Women Adventure to Alaska. This company has great itineraries of women-guided  women only expeditions through out the world. One element of this Alaska trip is climbing with crampons on a glacier—maybe a chance for me to work through that old BS. And then I thought wouldn't it be cool to do it with my daughter. Something to save for and plan on doing in a few years. Interestingly I had a book (now pack away in a box in my storage) back in college titled Wild Women Adventures. An incredible evolution has happened for outdoor sports for women: awesome clothes, gear, trips—all just for "the ladies." And even running gear. I need a beanie with the hole for a ponytail. Yes that is a thing and I want one. This morning I was overdressed and just before I headed out the door my daughter said I would overheat once I got moving. I took off two layers and then added a knit hat over my ball cap. Kind of a silly look but it kept me comfortable. Neck, ears and core must be warm. Too many close calls with hypothermia...I hate being wet and cold.

On the writing front I have almost nailed my essay. I thought I could write tonight, but this essay is tricky and my head needs to be in the right place to finish. I have two more paragraphs, which will expand into adding another page. Also I'm submitting three poems with the piece à la John Berger. And a dear artist friend is letting me use a photo his late photographer dad shot, which looks like it's never been shown—lucky me.

Final thought: no to coffee and Swiss Miss. Even half a cup of espresso at 10am was too much caffeine. The Swiss Miss also had something in it. This body is like an old car, I can go forever, but I must have the right fuel. Tomorrow organic cocoa that's light on the sugar and some decaf coffee, both from the health food store to prepare for next Saturday's treat.

 

Finding Rhythm

Confidence, resiliency, and finding rhythm—I could be speaking of music, but really all of these are needed when creating a life, a writing practice or in this case also a running practice. 

My daughter is now apart of a youth symphony and I'm much engaged in the process of helping facilitate her success—modern mothering: a fine line between helicopter parenting, a tiger mom, and just general mothering—which also includes the process of parenting oneself. What I say to my daughter (who is very much a perfectionist) is often what I need to be saying to myself. The very best thing about parenting is the messiness of it and the bigger reflections on learning to living well.

So what is confidence and is it over-rated? Confidence is a catch word that actually now has a connotation—so much of communication is understanding the nuance of how individuals use words. After pondering the word confidence I realized that I think of confidence in this way: working towards a goal—floundering through the messiness of the process—and reaching an outcome that is satisfying (and possibly successful, though success is not always required.)

I am not a confident runner. Hell, I can't even call myself a runner at this point. But I persist. I have a goal and I will run a marathon in this life. I just reread a post I did for Motherhood Later Than Sooner about my 50th birthday resolution to run a marathon and create a writing life for myself. Poof: seven years have gone by and I have been doing the heavy lifting of caretaking on many fronts, through job loss, moving, uncoupling, death, homeschooling—basically what most women are doing (without a paycheck). And trying to have a quality of life that includes self-care. 

Frankly, I have read so much about women's empowerment, creating time for self-care, and trying to push myself to lean in that I could vomit. I have tried to do all the things I noted in a previous list here on this blog that I thought I should do everyday. That took four hours: one hour of exercising, one hour of journaling or blogging, one hour of meditating, and one hour for a nightly routine. And after that I wanted to do some writing work. Truly, that plan was and is unsustainable. I hope everyone is having a good laugh because I finally woke up and unsubscribed to every female empowerment newsletter that was clogging my email accounts. 

And now for my whack to the head—a lá the great comedic teams of Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, and The Three Stooges. I have a new plan for self-care and it looks like this. And actually might be sustainable.

Monday – one hour early morning for exercise: walk or run or weights or bike or recumbent bike (mostly weather dictating the choice).

Tuesday & Wednesday – one hour early morning meditation. I have found two early morning IAM-35 groups through the Amma website. Thank you COVID-19.

Thursday & Friday – one hour early morning of personal journaling.

Saturday & Saturday – all day both days in the writing cave (kind of like the Bat Cave, but my adventures are in my mind). On these two day mostly no visitors—I have informed my child, wasband, and my mom in an attempt to limit the interruptions so I can think, write on my blogs, and meet other writing deadlines. And I can stay in my pajamas all day. My other new pleasure on Saturday is caffeine in the form of a homemade mocha using my new (used) stove top moka maker plus discounted surplus Starbucks Breakfast blend, with hemp milk, and three pouches of instant hot chocolate. This is my weekly treat as I must give up the sugar addition: ice cream, sorbet, chocolate, and the amazing homemade cookies my sister-in-law sends the family. Also I can handle the caffeine as I usually on Saturday night I stay up late working into the night.

So I may be able to create a rhythm for myself, and after awhile build some confidence in reaching my goal of running a marathon. If nothing else I am resilient and persistent to the point of nausea. New day, new plan, new life: GO Team Mo!!

My new best friends. Finally, these need to stop being paper weights.

And my fabulous writing space with a standing desk. Much better for my back. It's not the office I had when I started this blog, oh so long ago. But my space is really nice and I love it. With our three little apartment units next to each other: wasband, myself, and the mom—we all have the autonomy we each need. We are the wave of the future. Life is good.

For more about confidence check out my posts at Welcome to Mommyville and Motherhood Later Than Sooner.

Spring is here, sort of...

Just from the title, I know I need this book. Spring has arrived and the urge to renew my commitment to running instead of say swimming (no local pool) finds me checking out Brendan Leonard's new book (I Hate Running and You Can Too), as noted in an Outside Magazine online article. Check out Leonard's abbreviate list below. This list are the moments that I laughed out loud. The full article and how to get the book are in the links at the end.

26 Useful Facts About Running (Outside's title)
A nonexhaustive list

1. It is OK to take breaks while running. Sometimes breaks last a few seconds, and sometimes they last a few years.

3. There is no requirement that you have to own a couch to do the Couch to 5K program.

4. One hundred percent of the participants in the first marathon died upon completing the event.

11. The top recorded running speed of a human, sprinter Usain Bolt, is 27 miles per hour. The top speed of a running grizzly bear is 35 miles per hour. Data does not yet exist, however, on how fast a human can run while running from a bear.

14. 13.1 miles is half the distance of a marathon, which is 26.2 miles. When running a marathon, at the 13.1-mile mark, you are halfway. However, at 14 miles, you are also halfway. And at 15 miles, 16 miles, 17 miles, and 18 miles, you are also still only halfway. This continues every mile until mile 25.5, when you are almost finished.

19. Lots of longtime runners say they love the simplicity of running because all you need to do it is a pair of shoes.

20. Any real runner knows that in addition to a pair of shoes, you also need a steely resolve and the hard-won psychological tools to continually, day in and day out, drag your procrastinating ass out the door and actually begin running.

Link to article:
26 Useful Facts About Running 

Link to book:
I Hate Running And You Can Too

 

 

Day 1 – Back Again

This is the Calvin Coolidge quote I have taped on my old Remington typewriter.

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

Let's do this. Some times there truly is a shift, immeasurable and invisible that moves us to be bold. Today is Day 1 of my writing life and marathon training. I commit to nothing and everything all at the same time. But my biggest commitment is letting go of perfection. Here are the pictures to go with my first day. 

The pandemic manicure...

This is an okay number, but a few months ago back in February—before my stepdad died—the scale read I32 lbs. Stress eating of lots of candy and Jack-In-The-Box cheap tacos with french fries—comfort food...a little got added to the middle.

And now for the body picture. My cat has a little saggy belly. It looks like she's had a litter of kittens. She does not judge herself harshly for this. She's a cat and couldn't careless. My goal is to have the zen of a cat. A cat who doesn't think about her body. And that's where I want to live as I move through this life.
 

Girl got belly...just like a mama cat.

Can I say that selfies are hard? Kim K. is quite skilled at taking the perfect athletic selfie. Since this is a blog about running, and finding my writing voice—with the zen of a cat—I will let go of perfection and just be okay with this body as it is. It's a strong body in pretty good health for 56 years old. I want to admit to a personal struggle with self-censorship. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't self conscious, so posting the picture is about loving this body exactly as it is. Also even as I have lost weight my belly is still around so I need to make peace with that. Maybe do some ab work though that has in the past been hard on my back. Personal desire is to work on my plank.

I decided that I wouldn't make any goals beyond committing to walk or run four days a week and writing the same number of days. 

Day 1: 45 minutes of dog walk/run. There is a long low grade, which I walk up and run back. Pretty easy on the knees. Feels good even though I'm at 8000 feet. I will definitely sleep good tonight.

Catching Up

I am persistent. As my husband likes to say "I'm like a dog with a bone..." Well, I'm back. More than a year, but still pushing to do my goal. It has been an intense time for me, but things have begun to settle down. I have spent the most recent past year: homeschooling my daughter (she hated it); and moving my parents from their remote ten-acre property of 20 years to a retirement community in a town with a hospital. 

Through all of it I ended up with a very intense allergy related rash. Also a very close friend died. But I am still standing and getting settled into my new home and town and this morning as I was journaling I thought "why not come back here to my blog?"

Under my doctor's care I have been keeping a food journal, which was very interesting, particularly in times of stress and also when it is hard to get good healthy food on the go. My food choices have aggravated my joints and so now in my new place I've been thinking that I need to do to some version of a Paleo diet as skipping most grains, corn, potatoes and dairy really keeps away the joint pain.

Along with the food allergy rash (connected to almonds and coconut) that I had last December and January (with few flare ups in the spring); I was also having heart palpitations and tested as borderline pre-diabetic. Ackkkkk!!!

Can we say "WAKE UP CALL!" And I did. Doctor's orders included walking, meditation and keeping a food journal. So that's why I thought maybe blogging would be helpful as I continue to re-focus myself on my health for the second act of my life. 

As an update: my rash is gone; and my heart palpitations have stopped. I will be checking my numbers regarding being pre-diabetic in another month or so.

Life is intense, but shifting in really good ways. My daughter will be starting at a really good charter school next week and can walk or bike to school, which she loves.

Yesterday, I did absolutely nothing to care for myself (see my list below) though I did watch hours of Graham Norton and laughed my head off. The Graham Norton show on the BBC is brilliant and I've taken to watching the tiny clips at night when I go to bed after really intense days just so that I can be smiling when I fall asleep. I think it's helped.

In the evening yesterday after an intense and heated conversation with my husband, Graham Norton clips couldn't save me, but getting dressed and eating out with a friend helped though I did get lost in talking about really negative old history.

But here it is: a new day and another chance to get it right or maybe just be gentle with myself. Hence the reason that I decided to make a list of things I like to do each day:

• Each morning when I wake up before I get out of bed, I try to thank the universe for all that I am grateful to have in my life.

• I like to have a large mug of warm lemon water first thing in the morning.

• I like to oil pull and dry brush if possible before I shower or get dressed.

• I feel really good when I journal for 30 minutes.

• I am now meditating using the IAM program from Amma. I do it in a couple of different ways but I like the version with the stretches best.

• I would like to go for a walk or run. This is the piece I really need to work on doing. In my new house, which is situated in a small town, everything I need is a walk-able distance. This lifestyle change feels like the best thing that could happen to me. My goal is to add running into my weekly routine and come back to my marathon goal.

Nothing like getting things down in black and white. I am feeling pretty thankful for being able to leave my car driving habits behind. Yippee. I think it's going to be a fun new journey of self discovery.  

And I will do a marathon in this lifetime because I am persistent that way.


 

Back At It...

So I am going for a smaller goal of running a half-marathon. No more reading books and pining about running a marathon. I am letting go of perfection. I need a goal to help me focus on my work tasks and so I decided to do a half-marathon.

Close to me here in Santa Fe is the 30th Annual Taos Marathon on June 5th. Three months out, that is a doable goal. Also I found on MORE Magazine's website a 12-week training program for running a half-marathon for those of us going from couch to half-marathon. Just what I need: a schedule and a clear plan.

My biggest goal for this project is to let go of perfection and just go for it. I really liked the WEEK 1 Schedule. Monday, today was cross training. The scheduling fits with my life. Today I just started with a walk and a bit of core training. Not as much as I wanted, but it's a start. I also I found a great running path not far from where I live and drove the length of it to get a mileage reading. The path is perfect in that on Sunday, I can have my girl ride her bike with me for my 3-mile day and since we are not on the road, it will actually be relaxing for me.

Check out my new training board. I decided to write the week out for myself so that I can see what I am doing instead of having things in a binder. Frankly, the whole point for me is to focus on a doable goal with benchmarks that don't break my back and in a time frame that is realistic, but close enough to feel like it's coming up quick. Hocus Pocus let us focus on our task right now. A line I used to say to my daughter when she was little. Oh how it rings true for me now.

Regarding this blog, I decided that I would write here on cross-training days so I wouldn't be overwhelmed, but I'd have some continuity to my process.

Final thought: still drinking hot lemon water in the mornings, but I have added lime and cucumber to the water I drink during the day (with no lemon). I am liking the taste and I seem to drink more of it, which is a good thing for hydration.

Life Is Like A Helix

Today I went for a run. I like to say run, but really it was a walk/jog/run. It felt good. I know I will sleep much better than I did last week when I was shut in and sick.

So thoughts for today. I reread my old posts when I was doing my blog redesign and I wanted to share that I have simplified my liquids in take. Now every morning I have 32oz. of warm to hot water with a lemon slice before I eat anything. Some mornings if I get up early enough I drink it leisurely, other mornings it might be gulped. For pre-breakfast and what I run on I have a muffin tin frittata.* Now I'm drinking my second 32 oz. of lemon water and then I will have one more mini frittata.

Also today with my running I am also adding in doing the "plank." I happen to read about the plank last year and felt that core strengthening is something that I need. The first time I tried to do the plank I lasted about 15 seconds. Today I did it for 1 minute. By Wednesday I will really feel it in my abdomen, but I think that is good. (One can Google the plank and find out more about benefits and draw backs. The link above is just the one I picked to highlight the exercise.)

The Helix

After my run, I pulled out my training binder, which had my training dairy sheets in it. The top sheet was my best day way back in May 2013. That really put a smile on my face. So while I feel like I'm starting over, I'm not really. Once along time ago when I was complaining to a friend about starting something over, they said that I wasn't. Really instead of thinking that I was in loop or trapped in circle, the situation was like a helix. I may have circled around but I was higher. Opening my binder and seeing my previous accomplishment noted on a training dairy sheet felt good and helped me to see the helix of this moment.

Lastly, I got out my stickers. What is that? I have little stickers that I used to use to highlight all the tasks that my daughter had completed during the day. It was part of process that I called Operation Cooperation. I started it because one night when my daughter was in kindergarten she told me that all I ever do is tell her what she hasn't done. I felt really sad about that, so I figured out the list process so that we could both see all that had been accomplished in the day towards the formation of good habits.

Now today I am going to use the little stickers to put on my calendar when I run, do the plank, and write at this blog. That way on the days when life intervenes and things don't go quite as I planned, besides the training dairy, I will have visual record of what I am doing. It really helps to track the habit making process. My goal beyond doing a marathon and also a triathlon is to have the habit of exercise.

Here's to the helix and continuing my process.

*One can Google muffin tin frittata and find many variations. I follow the base of six eggs and 20 minutes of baking at 350º F from the recipe link above, but after that I like to be creative. I make mine with broccoli and my daughter likes bacon and cheddar cheese. Room temperature or 20 seconds in the microwave make them great for traveling. I make up the tin and then refrigerate and eat them for the week. Also size-wise they are perfect for the whole family. For breakfast my daughter eats one, I sometimes eat two and my husband will have two to four. 

The Persistence Of Desire

 Persistence [noun]
1. the act or fact of persisting

2. the quality of being persistent: "You have persistence, I'll say that for you."

3. continued existence or occurrence: "the persistence of smallpox."

4. the continuance of an effect after its cause is removed.

It's late tonight and I thought my blog needed some love in the form of a design update and a new post. A great many ideas run through my head for this blog, but they don't often make it into fully articulated posts. 

A lot has happen since I started writing here. One thing that has not happened: I have not yet made my goal of running a marathon and my envisioned deadline has come and gone. BUT I am persistent. Since it's late I was double checking the spelling of the word persistence and I thought the four definitions above fit my situation perfectly. 

First, let me say that even though my stated goal of running a marathon has not yet happened, my secondary goal of changing my life has, but not necessarily as I had planned. Isn't that always the case. Number one: I don't live in Prescott, AZ anymore. And in changing my address I have traveled about with the family and had some great fun exploring the Southwest. Number two: my family and I downsized our life into a fifth wheel trailer, with just a footprint of stored things in a space that is 10' x 10' x 16'. When we left Goldwater Lake we had two storage units that were 10' x 20' x 12'. Basically, my husband, daughter and I got rid of a third our stuff, which turned out to be a six-month cathartic process. Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui by Karen Kingston was the most helpful book in the process. In the clean out I did say good bye to my old "used" walking shoes that started me on my journey.

When my husband left his job we had ten days to vacate the residence that we had lived in for seven years. Needlessly to say it was really stressful. For the entire process my main goal was that it be a great adventure for my daughter (and that all the upheaval transform into fun for her). That did happen. The irony for me was that on the day that my life got thrown into the blender, I had my very best running day ever, which meant that I had run for nearly a continuous twenty minutes. I was pretty proud of myself. And then by the late afternoon of that day, life was suddenly like having everything thrown up in the air.

In the months that ensued over this past year and half, I doggedly kept trying to keep up my marathon goal. In fits and spurts, which I logged here I kept "trying to run." I did two races with my daughter.

Left is evidence from my very first race. I was just happy to finish. I did it with my friend Gina and her daughter (and her husband, the runner who was really off running). Gina's husband has been a great encourager for me. They moved  to Oregon last year.

Then my daughter and I did another race with Gina and her daughter and her running husband, which I am proud of doing because it was in Groom Creek at 7000 ft. and hilly. I finished and really got a sense of the fun and excitement generated around runners. A few people I know from my past regularly post running/marathon race pictures and now I get why. It is fun to race and to finish.

 

H. was into playing around as we got ready for the Groom Creek race. It has been great to have her in the races with me. She loves to run and I hope that by racing in the same races she gets that running is for a lifetime.

Last August we landed in Santa Fe and decided to hang out and have H. go to a private school we really wanted her to experience. Just before school started, the school sponsored a race, which H. and I did participated in, but my heart was not in it. It had been a year of upheaval and traveling and I just couldn't get into a rhythm of running. I kept trying, but trying is the key word. Finally, I just sort of gave up. My back was bothering me and the habit of running nor the need to run didn't seem to be completely gelled in me.

In November my husband's trucking job finally settled down and now he works for long stretches at a time in North Dakota. H. and I live across the street from her school, which has been lovely. For the fall we biked to school and through this winter we have walked.

Another of my goals when I started this blog was to develop my writing. Again I imagined it would happen mainly through this blog, but instead it has developed in other ways and through other endeavors particularly related to my filmmaking passions, which continue to be developed and move out into the world. I admit I miss the beauty of my office, but have to say that the need to write did take hold. I no longer need "my office" to really write. I can write anywhere anytime. That feels great. And that is my goal for my running, which brings me up to date.

Some time in January I woke up mentally to the fact that where I live—just beyond H.'s school—is an amazing place to run and start my training again. So I started walking everyday after I dropped off my daughter in the mornings. That felt good. I started sleeping better, which meant that my back started feeling a whole lot better and then at the end of February I decided to pull out my running shoes and gear and really go for it. Once I got started I realized that maybe running wasn't so foreign to me after all. I had two weeks that started my training, which felt great. Then I got a cold this past week, but by this Monday I should be back to normal. 

I feel excited. I feel like my best quality is my persistence, which has served me well in every undertaking I have pursued. Now my task is to sign up for some races. Half-marathon I am coming for you this summer!

 

Down But Not Out

Okay, so I know that it has been months since I have written a post here...major life changes have happened, but I have finally settled into a new semi-normal situation. I have never been able to write through a crisis. I need a lot of processing time to absorb what is going on. So while more changes are coming, for now things are good and somewhat calm. There is much drama to report and I will get back to it, but today I am wearing new running shoes and damn, I am happy. I am smiling. Can we say happy feet?

And here they are with my dry, slightly hairy legs. My wonderful husband bought them for me today. I had put them on layaway so long ago that I had given up hope of ever actually owning them. I bought them here in Prescott at Manzanita Outfitters. (Check them out also on Facebook...Manzanita Outfitters.)

I went in one day to daydream about investing in my first pair of new running shoes and Dani Layne (who has finicky feet) ended up helping me so much: figuring out what I wanted and basically teaching me about shoes, my feet and how to wear and tie my shoes so that my finicky feet would feel good. I went crazy and put them on layaway even though I didn't really have the money for that kind of investment. Weekly, I would pine for them and mostly just felt embarrassed about the whole money situation. With this hubbie visit and finances better I asked my man to buy them for me so that I could wear them tomorrow in a race that I signed up to do for both my daughter and myself. It is my second 2 mile walk/run with her and another mother/daughter duo. I am getting pumped up. I think I can run a marathon now. Let's put it this way, my desire has been rekindled. So much of this process is mental. Two months until my birthday and it's hard to imagine making my goal, but if nothing else, I am persistent, which my husband describe as similar to a Chihuahua, a rabid Chihuahua. At times this can be a good quality, but for my poor husband is it usually distressing. 

Anyway, back to these great shoes. I love the color and now I love Dani. So here's what I learned from this fabulous gal: 1.) I am not the only person who does not like a tight toe-box.

2.) With a special tying method I can keep my toe-box loose and tighten the laces at the top.

3.) There are running shoes with high arches.

4.) The bottom treads on these shoes will be great for my favorite running location: the Peavine Trail.

And I got some new socks thanks to Dani. (On sale when one buys a pair of shoes. Oh how I do love a bargain.) And, what I love about sports gear today is that it can be cute. Thirty years ago everything just looked ugly and for me with boobs I looked fat in all the very unflattering boy gear. Today my socks have flowers and I must confess will match my pullover.

Yeah, I am a girlie girl in my secret heart of hearts. Check out these socks. Dani picked them. I will be thinking of her as a pivotal guide in my quest to run a marathon.

I hope to become to be as fast as my Cheetah girl, but until then I do feel as happy as she does with her face painted.

Hey, Brooks, if you want to be this old lady's sponsor, I wouldn't say no. I am going to need more shoes, gear etc. as I pursue my quest. And if you know of any great coaches in my area who want to take on a crazy project, well that recommendation would be great too. So read my blog and think about it. I could become an inspiring athlete if given a chance and support. I may not be your usual demographic, but there are a lot of women in the world like me. I'm just saying...

P.S. Brooks does not endorse this blog. 

Marathon Runners Come In All Shapes And Sizes

As a task for a beginning running class, the instructor Pam suggested volunteering at a marathon. See my post Eating An Elephant. I decided to do just that for the Whiskey Row Marathon on Saturday, May 4th. As a volunteer my job was to stand near the finish line and direct runners into the final turn just before the finish. 

It was amazing to see all the different people with different goals doing that race. The Whiskey Row Marathon also has 5K, 10K and half-marathon components. I saw friends: moms with kids; moms and grandmothers alone running the 5K. I saw two friends running the half-marathon. I also saw a co-worker of my husband's who ran the half-marathon. Kids from my daughter's school ran the 10K. It was so exciting to see so many different ages, running levels and body types running the race. Not everyone had a rock hard skinny body. YEAH!!

Near the end, I got to see women, who were probably my age or so finishing the marathon. Some who did the early start time (two hours before the race began). I felt so encouraged and motivated. From my spot I could see the racers in the final stretch, who did not realize that they were almost done, then they turned the corner and seeing the FINISH sign, would do a final push to the end. Wow, it was inspiring. I am so glad I volunteered. 

It was wonderful to hear the announcer calling out names and what race the runner had competed in as they came across the finish line. I would like to hear my name. I want to run a marathon now more than ever. Pam's suggestion was true. Volunteering at a marathon really does spark one's inner runner.

Who Needs A Coach? I Do...

I am still wanting to catch up on April happenings. The most significant thing that happened in April beyond my marathon training involved getting a coach. No, I don't have personal trainer for my running, though I would like to find one. 

The coach I found was a personal "transformational life" coach. Fancy title, but a coach is a coach. By definition a coach, the noun: is a person who trains an athelte. Or the verb, to coach: to give instruction or advice in the capacity of a coach; to instruct. Thank you dictionary.com.

As I was languishing in my beautiful office trying to actually complete just one idea and bring it to completion, I realized I needed a coach. I went for a couple of free visits to see a therapist (through a program from my husband's work), but in the end did not find what I was looking for. I really wanted cheerleading, handholding and accountability. 

At the NVC (Nonviolent Communication) group I attend once a week, the organizer happen to mention that she was working on her certificate to be a life coach. I asked if she needed any practice hours because I would love to be that person for her. She agreed to work with me (at no charge). Wow, was that the single most important thing that has happened in this crazy process of becoming a writer and running a marathon.

At the first visit, I knew I had found what I was looking for. Near the end of the session, she asked me what my goal was. I explained that I wanted to complete a treatment (an idea for a TV show) over the next two weeks and get it out into the world. She asked how much time would that take and I committed to three writing hours per day for two weeks. She said text me everyday at the end of the day with your status. ACCOUNTABILITY, thank you, thank you—now I had a deadline and a boss.

It took a little closer to three weeks, but I did finish the treatment and sent it to my scriptwriting mentor. The sessions with this amazing coach were so helpful in guiding me to see my writing blocks. Frankly, I didn't know how much I needed her till I started working with her. A person who trains someone is a coach. She trained me to move forward and step over my fear of being a writer. What was great, was that we didn't talk too much about "the why" of my fear, instead we just met it head on and pushed through it. 

The act of coaching involves instruction and this coach's instruction was the accountability factor. She was watching me and encouraging me. There were a number of tearful moments when I texted her and she texted me back with great quotes to motivate me, which propelled me forward. 

This process of becoming a writer is so parallel to becoming a runner and running a marathon. Slowly building stamina; gaining confidence that the task is even possible; embracing fear, but pushing through it; developing momentum that propels one forward—all of these things apply to both running and writing. 

I am at a point where my own momentum and accomplishment are starting to show results. Maybe I am not crazy after all. Maybe I just might be able to live my dreams. Maybe...I can run a marathon and support myself as a screenwriter.

Poof: Where Did April Go?

Well, I don't always make my goals, but I do keep trudging forward. 

April was a big month. First, I was sick for almost half of it. It has been very windy in Prescott and the wind really gets to me. When I got sick the first time I mostly ignored it and continued my training. In fact during the middle of the month I increased my running split ratios and felt like I might be able to run...whoa, hold on: yes, for the first time I thought maybe I could successfully complete a 5K race. No it's not a marathon, but I have got to start somewhere. 

Then, in the wind (with a hat) I did a great training day. I was so proud of myself that I mentally recorded the day—Tuesday, April 23rd. Basically, I did 21 minutes of running (some could say shuffling) and 24 minutes of walking—splits of 3 minute run / 3 minute walk—plus a one mile walking warm up and a one mile walking warm down. The total workout was about an hour and half. The total mileage just over four miles. That is some progress from where I started and it fired me up. My lungs were still struggling, but I was very happy with the day. 

Fast forward...that night my throat was a bit scratchy and I woke up on Wednesday with a full blown head cold. This time I made myself stay in bed and did nothing (hard to do as a wife and mother) and it took a week and a half to finally feel like I was normal again. 

Also in April, the marathon class I have been taking at the YMCA—that was connected to the Whiskey Row Marathon event—wrapped up. I have learned a great deal from the two instructors and have finally organized their handouts into a binder for myself. The instructors shared so many little tips and advice like: clip your toenails a few days before the marathon race so you don't get a rub burn from a too long toenail and so your feet can get used to the new toenail length. It seems silly, but for a 26 mile race, something small can turn out big. It was those kind of tidbits—from their personal experience and dare I say personal mistakes—that I recorded in my marathon journal, which will become so valuable as my marathon race day approaches.

Finally, in April I invested in some shoes. A small investment, but not what you might think. One of the women in the Y marathon class told me that Goodwill often had sports gear. I must get a good running bra, which start at $50 and running shoes, which start at $100. Needless to say, that is so beyond my budget right now. My little $214 is just covering my bills and a little gas. No room for extras. So I thought I would see what I could find at Goodwill. My guardian angel must have been looking out for me because I found a brand new pair of New Balance Walkers, sized 8.5 for $5. I tried them on and nearly started crying. I also found a fleece pull over that had a great pocket for my iPhone, which I use in my training. Did I mention that it was also half off day when I went in. I felt very loved indeed.

I am making the progress of a tortoise, but in the fable the tortoise does win the race against the jack rabbit. There is hope for me yet.

A Little Something About The Office

Folks just wanted to share how great my office turned out. It's an oasis for me. I love coming here and settling into work. It feels like when I had my old painting studio in NYC on Broadway. The possibilities are endless...

(Chine collé print by Laura Sue Phillips)

(Bird sculptures by Rick Hartner and painting by Edith Isaac Rose)

(Native American basket, gift from Julia Kane)

(Photography by Beth Wesson)